


Somewhere Else, Anytime Soon

by NightfireRed



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Kisses and Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 12:46:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3610596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightfireRed/pseuds/NightfireRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Amy`s funeral it seems to Kieren that his world is falling apart. Mainly because Simon is gone missing and things on the road to becoming alive again go not as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I`m kind of late with posting this. It was written in late December. Unbeta`d. And there can be mistakes. Hopefully it won`t spoil all the joy from reading. :)

First flocks of snow started slowly dancing in the frosty air that morning. Well, high time, it was the end of December after all. Amy`d love to meet first snow, they`d probably even go to a daytrip or maybe would be sharing funny stories about this and that sitting under the old raggedy camping tent. Kieren sighed heavily on that bittersweet thought. Past couple of weeks had been hectic, mildly saying. He hoped to just forget them all but couldn`t. No matter how hard he tried. Amy was one of the dearest persons for Kieren. Facing the fact that that time she had gone for good was dreading. She`d always been the sunlight in all of their lives, even for his parents, though they`d never admit that. But the life is going on, regardless who lives or dies.  
With those heavy thoughts clouding his mind he shot the last glance at himself in a bathroom mirror before leaving.

-“Au natural, huh?” – Kieren chuckled bitterly, no smile in his eyes. 

He finally had made a progress on his twisted way to accepting himself as he was. Funny it was that the people who tried their best to convince him that his new natural appearance was okay had been gone now. Even Simon had suddenly disappeared, one and a half week after Amy`s “totally cool send-off”. No need reminding that he`d promised to stay. Stay for him. Stay with him. Maybe it never was in his intentions and he just tried to soothe the pain that day by saying that. Rather say – shamelessly lying. Yes, Simon definitely had that special power of sudden disappearance. Surprisingly for himself Kieren wasn`t as mad as he`d expected himself to be. “Guess it`s because I`m used to it by now” – he answered his mum after she had asked about it the day before. 

That day he was to help his dad with finding Christmas illumination and decorations in the garage. Ridiculousness of the situation was really amusing. After all that events they still planned on celebrating. But maybe they all really needed a glimpse of happiness, a bit of a proper family time together and a massive distraction. Besides it was Jem`s last Christmas before she`d leave to the university.  
-“What a year it`s been,” – thought Kieren.  
-“Yes, indeed. Jem`s last year before she leaves. And your mum`s now in the Town Committee… And…yeah…” – Kier`s dad answered.  
Kieren froze. Had he really said that aloud? Awkward silence hung in the air.  
-“Anyway, I`ve ordered some new Blu-Rays the other day. Something Christmas-y. And…You know how much your mum likes Love Actually an…”  
-“…And we all will be forced to watch it for the countless time again,” – Kieren continued, smile in his voice - “I don`t actually mind it but Jem always demonstrates her willpower and doesn`t go away during the first ten minutes.”  
-“How do you think, will she make it till the end this year?” – His dad smiled as well -“Ah, here they are.”- Steve said holding huge carton box containing all of the holiday decorations, lights and trinkets. Kieren helped to put it down on the floor.  
-“I don`t know, dad, I don`t know.” – softly answered Kier. 

A bit later Kieren was sitting on the floor in his room untangling Christmas illumination. He constantly needed to busy himself with anything in order to avoid depressing thoughts flooding his mind. Once the job had been done Kieren switched the garland on and started to twist it around his long pale (not-as-pale-as-they-used-to-be according to what Jem had said) fingers. Tiny colourful light bulbs started shining and dancing along the wire. They reminded Kieren of that night near the bonfire with Simon, bright lights of the dance party had been shining in the background, loud music been playing. Simon`s palm on his, so calming yet so thrilling. Kieren imagined how warm his hands could be. Such warmth he was feeling then. He snapped back to reality, small but genuine smile playing in the corners of his lips, only sparkling garland in his hands.

How long had Kieren been daydreaming? Long enough for bulbs to heat a bit and start radiating pleasant warmth. Not that he could feel it, could he? Or… “Not...Senses just keep playing tricks on me. I`m alright. Just side effects of the Blue Oblivion.” – Kieren tried to convince himself and calm down. Such sense mirages scared him, sometimes he thought he was slowly becoming rabid and losing his mind. But when the next day arrived, he was paying no further attention to such things until the next time. 

Simon. He really missed him more than anything. He was too emotionally drained to be mad or sad anymore. Or feel anything at all. 

“When Simon comes back, tell him he is always welcomed here…and, invite for Christmas dinner. He has no one here now except for you and, well, us.” – Sue said couple of days ago. Kieren could only shrug and say quietly: “Before I will do that, may I punch him?” His mum lightly laughed.

He even had a gift for the Irishman. “God, who am I trying to fool?” – Kieren murmured sadly. He should have stopped hoping for Simon to return long time ago. But why did he keep on believing? Seems like Kieren didn`t know the answer himself. At least not yet. He placed a bundle wrapped in crispy paper on his knees debating whether to just throw it away or keep because it was a couple more days until Christmas and anything could have happened.

“Argh, silly fool.” – Kieren cursed at himself when someone gently knocked on his bedroom`s door. He pushed the bundle under the bed. 

-“Kier?”- Jemma`s head appeared in the doorframe – “Wanna cuppa? I mean, you know, mum`s asked if you like to…”  
-“Yeah, thanks Jem. I`ll be there in one.”- Kieren smiled brightly as his sister nodded and then came to him and sat on the bed near. She was grinning as well.  
-“You know, Kier. I…” – She never finished and just tightly hugged him.  
-“I love you, too, Jem.” – whispered Kieren leaning into embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

-“How could you?! Not again, Simon, You…You promised you wouldn`t leave! I thought…I started believing that you truly lo…” – Kieren abruptly stopped and the silence interrupted by his heavy breathing filled the room.   
Simon definitely hadn`t expected to see frustrated if not mad Kier at the doorstep of Amy`s bungalow that morning. Now they stood in the kitchen, every second of deafening silence was unbearable. They both had to say so much to each other. But Kier was too emotional to think rational and Simon didn`t know how to explain his sudden disappearance. The moment Kier breathed in to say something else he saw amusement and confusion in milky white eyes of Simon. 

-“You`re crying.” – whispered Simon barely audible.  
-“Not surprising, all things considered, don`t you think?” – bitterly snapped Kieren.   
-“The tears, Kier,” -Simon`s still cold fingertips gently brushed Kier`s sharp cheekbones. –“It means your blood, it`s back again.”  
Kieren`s hands started trembling violently, he desperately tried to hide it but nothing helped. Since Amy`s funeral he hadn`t felt like that. Hot tears flowed down, the blond sobbed. He didn`t feel ashamed though, he`d been burying and supressing so many thoughts and emotions for so long.   
Simon said nothing, but tightly wrapped his hands around lean silhouette of the boy he cared about. Kier buried his face in the crook of Simon`s neck and just let emotions flow away. 

They stood like that for a while until Simon lightly kissed Kier in the temple and said “I am sorry Kieren. I am truly sorry… But there was a problem I needed to solve. Though nothing worked out apparently. You don`t deserve the suffering I caused. Nobody does.” Kier stopped crying and stared at Simon`s eyes. Emotions unreadable.   
-“You changed. A lot. Looking more…alive?” – the Irishman said gently cupping the blonde`s face in his hands.  
-“Don`t change the subject. Where`ve you been these weeks? And don`t you dare saying “In the city”. Won`t suit this time.” – Kieren stated boldly. He didn`t know where such courage and bravery had come from.  
-“Actually, I`ve been a bit further than the city. Somewhere where they could give me answers…” – Simon never broke eye contact with the younger –“Treatment Centre. Not Norfolk. You saw Amy after she had died, right? She was human again. That explained her unstable behaviour and physical disorders. So is happening to you, I assume. But…So called “Specialists” don`t know whether our bodies can handle such rapid changes…Ironic, right? Amy became alive after her second life ended. Not sure we are ready for this, don`t you think the price for becoming “normal human” is too high, Kieren?” – Simon closed his eyes, his thumbs still circling Kier`s face. “But that`s not the point…I will never be able to feel again. Even though it can kill me for sure…”  
Kieren looked wide-eyed at the gorgeous Irish. He genuinely was confused and a bit scared. He never saw Simon so lost and frightened.   
-“Never thought I`d ever say that, but, Simon, you dummy head. Maxine Martin killed her, and I`m sure that Amy`s new new life would be amazing if that hasn`t happened. You and I, Simon, this time everything`s going to be okay.” – Kieren`s voice was shaky and uneven.   
Simon opened eyes, sadly chuckled, turned around and started unbuttoning his dark grey shirt. He took it off, still faced off Kier.   
-“What do you see?” – asked the Irish emotionless.  
Kieren barely supressed another sob, the view of terrible scar and shattered spine along Simon`s back always sent shivers across his body. Never healing wound looked even worse Kieren remembered it to be.  
-“The reminder of the days when you`ve been tortured. The sign of your sacrifice for all of the PDS sufferers. The symbol of the past you overcame…” – Kier`s fingers feather like traced the line of Simon`s scar, voice quiet.  
-“The reason I will never have a chance to feel the raindrops, the warmth of the sun, your kisses…” – whispered brunette.   
-“What do you mean? You will start healing just like me, like Amy. But a bit later, I promise.”   
-“If by later you mean never then I can agree.” – disappointment enveloped every word Simon said. “Back in the days I was experimented on, the doctors damaged something in my spinal cord and nerves. When I attended Treatment Centre once again to ask how it would influence this process of “becoming alive” they said there was no chance for me. Even if it would have happened I would be paralyzed or worse…”- Simon quietly murmured last words. “I never asked for it, Kier. You should understand that nothing`s going to be the same. We will never be the same. You can have your usual Life, bright and happy. Fulfil dreams, go to university, travel, find gorgeous girl, have family… I don`t belong to this world. I never actually did. But you, Kieren Walker, are incredible. You deserve your happiness no matter what.” – Simon was silently crying without tears.

Heavy silence filled everything around.   
-“I will say it for the second time for today: dummy head Simon Monroe. After I`ve lost Rick, then Amy… Simon, I`ll stay no matter what. Why haven`t you understood that yet?” – whispering this Kieren faced Simon. Kier`s slightly warm and trembling fingers intertwined with cold and still Simon`s. Their so different now eyes locked. No words needed. It was silent apology and forgiveness for both of them. 

-“Missed you.”

-“You`ll stay?”

-“I`d love to.”

Simon smirked, brushing hair off Kieren`s still pale face. 

-“You are beautiful, Kieren Walker”

Kieren tiredly but happily smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

POV Kieren.

Here I am. Sitting in the lonely hall of the hospital. It`s Christmas already. As promised we spend it together. Though you are still in intensive care ward, I`m close to you. I am writing this to keep sanity, share my thoughts so you can read it when you wake up (completely sure you will soon). 

Seeing you lying on the floor in Amy`s bungalow senseless was devastating. All those painkillers, whiskey bottles… Why, Simon? Arrived paramedics kept on torturing me with questions I knew no answers to. You barely breathed but on the way here you started to suffocate, redness of blood mixed with blackness of the thick substance substituting it made breathing difficult, closing the access to air. Nobody knew what to do. I remember crying and shouting on paramedics hoping this would make them finally help you. It`s stupid, I know. But I was terrified and helplessness scared me the most. 

Couple of hours later doctors tried to inject powerful painkillers in order to stop your continuing convulses. It gave temporal effect. The mixture of two types of blood filled your lungs - that’s why you have all those tubes attached. Every new portion of pumped concoction from your lungs keeps on looking redder. That`s great, right? Means your true blood`s back. But because of all of those previous experiments on your body your heart beating is very unstable. Blood pressure is either too high or barely is at all.

You are in such pain even I can feel it now. I managed to get into your ward for 4 minutes yesterday evening; you know the rules – relatives only, but still. Your skin is still pale but now feverish blushing covers your cheeks. Sheen of sweat is on your forehead. Suddenly you look so exhausted and battered, like you suddenly got old for several years. 

I said I “love you” that moment. You didn`t hear me. Maybe that moment I said that more to myself, but I do love you, Simon Monroe.  
Wake up so you can hear these 3 words yourself.

So, as I mentioned it`s Christmas here. My family thinks we celebrate it together, I`m not fond of the idea of telling them otherwise. That`ll be better for all of us. 

Sorry for uneven handwriting - hands are shaking terribly. Besides it`s bloody chill in here. Oh, didn`t have time to tell you – all of the senses returned. Not fully but it`s wonderful to feel again anything but pain. 

I start getting it now. You said that it`s slight chance that your senses come back again. But unfairness is in that mostly people don`t feel the process of it at all. One day their hearts just start beating again or they can sense how hot boiling water is.  
Your body tries to heal; you feel changes with every cell. All the suffering – you feel it, Simon. Wish I could take the pain away.

How cheesy. 

Though you are “recovering”, chances that your body can handle this are so slim. Yesterday late night when you were delivered here, one of the paramedics explained you may not survive this torture of pain and shock can cause agonizing death.  
But you are strong, Simon. I know it. I believe in it. 

I prayed today. Found the old Bible copy in your bedroom the other day. Praying always calmed you. Though I still don`t understand the true meaning of all of the prayers I repeated the one you wrote on the margins.

“For He so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son  
Thy kingdom come, thou will be done, on earth as it is in heaven  
Give me the courage to do my duty, honestly and faithfully, to protect and defend my  
Community against all harm. So help me God…"

Maybe it meant something to you.

Need you here. Need you, need you so much. As selfishly it sounds. I desperately need you here. 

Wake up. 

Remember you told me you will sing me on Christmas. Bet it will be magical. I remember Amy beaming about it all evening long after one of your ULA meetings…  
I washed all the inscriptions from the walls in the bungalow off. 

The doctors and nurses are rushing to your ward now. I concentrate on writing and don`t raise my eyes. Don`t want to think that your condition became worse. 

You scream. 

We all realize you want this torture to stop… No one knows how. Don`t you dare screaming you want to die again. I. Need. You. Here. Alive. 

Can`t handle this. 

No one sees. No one understands. Not even you. 

 

Aren`t our kisses worth to live for? All the poems you read to me? Feeling of frosty wind in the morning after the passionate night? Holding hands and cuddling? Agree, the latter is my prerogative but you didn`t seem to protests.  
Our love after all.

Crap. Don`t even want to reread these stupid and naïve things I wrote in here. 

Less and less words are here to express this complicated mess which my thoughts now are. So I just stand in front of the glass separating corridor from your ward. The doctors are fussing around you, nervously saying something to each other. You are convulsing terribly, scream though your throat is rough now, they had to bind you down to bed. Your expression is on the verge of craziness, you can`t focus on anything. You can`t see me – the glass for me is a mirror for you.  
Suddenly you are still, your body go limp. The machines maintaining you are silent too.  
The next thing I remember is how everything went dark. But before that someone desperately screamed my name. Or was I imagining that? 

Come back.

Back to me.

Or is my love not enough anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :3


	4. Chapter 4

The wind blew harshly on the graveyard. Though Kieren didn`t care. He sat on the ground covered in a thin layer of first snow.  
-“I`m sorry. Long time no see…” - His whisper was lost in the burst of wind.  
-“Lots of things have happened actually. Not all of them are nice though.” He continued speaking to the cold emptiness. It`s been no one here but him, but in Kieren`s mind it was a proper dialogue. “They say I`m losing my mind if I talk to someone they can`t see. But I don`t care anymore. You are always in my mind. In a good way.” Kieren`s lips corners twisted upright a bit.  
Any person idly passing by the old Roarton`s graveyard could witness rather curious scene : young man sitting on the frozen ground, sharp snowflakes scratching the face on the strong wind, no one else around. It didn`t stop the lonely guy from speaking to no one. 

“Why didn`t you tell anyone? You had all those symptoms as well, right? Hiding and running away is not the option… Or wasn`t it you telling me this, was it?..” - rage and mourning mixed in Kier`s now real veins. “It`s been egoistic… We could`ve helped you for sure. But no! You kept on acting like everything was perfect… Crap! I`m sorry… It`s just… Hard. I`ve lost Rick. Twice it`s been my fault. And now you. The thought that it`s now my fault again is killing. I could help! But I was blind to see that something bad was happening!!!” - hot tears streams were burning on Kier`s cheeks, voice trembling and almost cracking.  
“I`m so done that people I love keep dying because of me, maybe someone`s trying to say that love is something that I`m not capable of?..” - He was sobbing. Desperation washing over like a huge ocean wave.  
“I miss you. Every damn day…” 

“She does, too, I`m sure.” - familiar voice suddenly said.  
“Simon!!!” - Kieren exclaimed and tried to get up but the body didn`t respond as it should have. Apparently he`s been outside long enough for limbs to completely freeze.  
“Hey, come here.” - Simon gently helped Kier to stand and one heart beat later they both were enveloped in the tight embrace.  
“You are totally getting fever tomorrow. Why are you even here in such weather?” - Simon whispered cupping Kieren`s face. Concern was in his voice, amusement in the eyes.  
“Same question I can ask you. You are not allowed to leave the hospital yet.”  
“I may have ran away…”  
“Oh really? Is that you, do-as-been-said Simon Monroe?” Kieren mocked his friend-lover-saviour.  
“You came to see Amy… I miss her too. But… you should understand that if it wasn’t her, we wouldn`t be here now. She gave all of us the second chance. And her sacrifice will never be forgotten…” - Simon still held Kieren`s face whipping away drying tears.  
Kieren locked their eyes. Suddenly it all became so clear. There is nothing he could do. Except for living the moment.  
“Come on, it`s not hot in here. You are trembling already.” - Simon tightly held Kieren`s hand and they both came along to Kieren`s house.

 

Sitting on the floor in the warm room wrapped in fluffy blanket was the best memory from that day. Simon was not a fan of such things but for Kieren he was ready to change. Kieren`s back was pressed to Simon`s chest, their hands tangling. Simon`s lips kissed Kier`s blond pate. No one said anything. They just enjoyed comforting company of each other. Alive and together – what could be better? Yes, Simon was alive again but still weak and has to take painkillers. And he had to come to hospital every day for check ups. That didn`t matter at all. He was alive. And that was the most important thing in the whole world for Kieren.  
The blond twisted his head to look in the warm brown eyes of Simon. Pure adoration could be seen in them. Then he shifted and was completely facing the person he liked so much. For a couple of minutes they just shared breaths, foreheads pressed together.  
Then Simon felt slightly trembling but warm and soft lips on his. He gently answered on this chaste kiss. It`s been the first time since they both could actually feel anything but pain. Almost forgotten feeling was turning back. Simon gave Kieren time to act in his own pace, no rush at all. Kieren brushed dark brunette lock from Simon`s naturally pale face. He silently asked for some kind of permission to go further, Simon couldn`t resist those puppy-eyed look on Kier`s face.  
The kiss became deeper and more heated. Long fingers tangled in dark locks, warm hands encircled Kier`s thin waist holding closer.  
Soft moans, sharp breaths – all about the kiss. It was deep yet sweet and gentle. Technically it was their first sensible kiss. Exploring each other again, trying to remember every response to the touches.  
Kieren pulled Simon`s hair when he felt their tongues collided. Jolts of pleasure flashed through the body.  
Simon on the other hand was surprisingly still. His hands just held Kier`s body tight. Fingers pressing into porcelain skin. It felt like he still doubted whether it was all reality or not. 

They parted only when there was not enough air to breath. Their lips slightly swollen and red (and even bitten, Simon didn`t remember biting Kier`s lips though). Kieren quickly pecked Simon`s lips and pressed his forehead in the crook of his neck. Pulse wildly beating, skin hot to the touch, hands shaking a bit from desire. Kieren was placing light kisses under brunette`s jawline when he felt fingertips brushing his neck skin. Smile was playing on their lips.  
It was truly a moment to remember. No pain, no suffer. Just them.

Together and alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are appreciated. :3


End file.
